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Share Your Story

Help us understand what coercive control really looks like.

Domestic violence support has historically focused on physical injury, not the isolation, monitoring, financial control, or threats that often come first, or come instead. We're gathering real experiences to figure out what would actually help survivors in the Kansas City metro. That could mean better laws, stronger community support, or both. We're advocating for what survivors need, not for one fixed answer.

This takes about 10 minutes. You're in control of this the whole way through: skip anything you don't want to answer, stop anytime, and there's no wrong way to do this.

This survey is not a crisis service, and no one is monitoring it in real time. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For confidential support anytime, call or text the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.
Step 10% complete

Before You Begin

1. Are you 18 or older?

Thank you for wanting to share. This particular survey is for adults 18 and older. Please reach out to a trusted adult, school counselor, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) for support.

2. Where do you live, or where did this relationship take place?

How your answers are handled. Your answers are stored privately, and only the founder of Thistle & Ember can see them. We do not store your IP address or device information with your answers. Your survey is not connected to a member account. We never ask for your name or contact details here. If you include identifying details in your written answers, like names or places, your response could be linked to you. You choose how your answers are used below. Read the privacy notice.

3. How can we use what you share? (choose one)

Section 1

About the Relationship

All questions in this section are optional.

4. What is or was your relationship to this person?

5. Roughly how long were you together, or how long has this person been part of your life?

6. Were children involved?

7. Is this relationship ongoing, ended, or complicated?

8. Roughly how long ago did this happen, or is it still happening?

Section 2

What the Control Looked Like

You're in control of this section too. Check what applies, skip what doesn't, and stop anytime.

9. Isolation

How often:

10. Monitoring and Surveillance

How often:

11. Financial Control and Deprivation

How often:

12. Threats, Intimidation, and Forced Conduct

How often:

13. Degradation and Psychological Control

How often:

Section 3

The Effect

15. Because of this person's behavior, did you ever fear they would become violent toward you, your children, or someone else, on more than one occasion?

16. Did this behavior noticeably affect your day-to-day life, things like your ability to work, sleep, parent, or leave the house freely?

17. Did you change your own behavior, what you said, wore, did, or where you went, to avoid a reaction from this person?

18. Was physical violence also part of this relationship?

19. Did things escalate when you tried to leave or push back?

You're about halfway through. Thank you for staying with this.

Section 4

Evidence, Privacy, and Control

We're not asking this to build a case, now or ever. We want to understand how much privacy and control survivors realistically have to keep any record of what's happening to them, and what gets in the way.

21. Thinking about it honestly, how possible would it have been for you to keep any of the following, given how much privacy and control you had at the time?

22. Did you feel prepared and educated on what evidence was worth gathering, and feel prepared to collect it?

23. If it was hard to keep any record of what was happening, what got in the way? We're asking about the real barriers, like privacy and control, not what would or wouldn't hold up anywhere. (check all that apply)

Section 5

What Happened When You Sought Help

24. Were you ever afraid or hesitant to contact police or courts because of how this person might react, or what might happen to you?

25. Did you ever try to get help from police, courts, or a protective order because of this person's behavior?

28. Looking back, what kind of protection or support would have mattered most to you at the time?

29. Besides police or courts, did you reach out to any formal services for help? (check all that apply)

30. Did people in your own life, friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, or your community, help you in any of these ways? (check all that apply)

Section 6

In Your Own Words

Both questions below are optional.

Section 7

Staying in Touch

Want us to follow up? To protect your privacy, we never collect contact details in this survey, so your answers can't be linked back to you.

If you'd like to share testimony, talk with someone working on this, be connected with a reporter, or just get updates, use our separate follow-up form after you submit. It is not connected to your survey answers.

Open the follow-up form (opens in a new tab)

Everything after the first step is optional.

Response received

Thank You for Sharing Your Story

What you just shared is deeply personal, and you did not have to give it to us. Thank you for trusting us with it.

Your voice is now part of something bigger than one story. It matters for the change we are working to make, and for the survivors who come after you.

Nothing more is needed from you. If you'd like, you can also:

Ask us to follow up

Share testimony, talk with someone, or get updates. This uses a separate form that is never connected to your answers.

Open the follow-up form

Keep the option to delete this

Get a code you can email us later to have this response deleted.

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